I've never been to a spa, but I have had occasional massages and I am immensely grateful to the masseuses who have kneaded away massive knots in my back :)
Such a timely post for me. I have two chronic illnesses mostly caused by intense stress during my abusive marriage (and by catching the Epstein-Barr virus, too): fibromyalgia and ME/CFS. Just yesterday I was lamenting that I do not know how to properly REST. After a few weeks of feeling mostly good, I landed in a flare yesterday, and determined to just do nothing all day. Walking was out (I love to go outside and take long walks) so I decided to just watch tv on the couch. But I felt like I needed to be doing MORE. As I just finished writing my novel's query and synopsis, I decided to start sending them to potential agents. That was most definitely work-related and couldn't be classified as REST. But I feel lazy, guilty, and unproductive if I don't do anything. I know that is deeply embedded in American culture. Same with being sick and still working. I wish I knew what to do.
Chronic illness makes it even more challenging. I have days like that too where I just rest and watch TV. I don’t particularly like it, but I get to a point where I’m so worn down I don’t even have the energy to read. It’s impossible to fully disentangle from the work while sick culture, but I love that you gave yourself permission to rest. And congratulations on finishing your novel’s query and synopsis !
I forget that I have fibromyalgia until I have a flare. It is dibillating, still I cannot be still. I have even worked out how to draw write and read when I have freaking migraines.
I struggle with this too Rebecca. I can « allow myself to rest » for a little while, but if my body then lets me know I need more rest, I’m furious and try to push through 🙃
OMG. SAME. I have chronic daily headaches (from an old high school volleyball injury!). I have to keep working. Only when it gets so bad that I think I need to go to the hospital do I finally give in and go to sleep. Why do we do this to ourselves? Sigh.
I truly don’t believe the blame is fully on us as individuals. Many of us have no option but to push through to parent, pay bills, etc. We also live in a culture where rest is seen as lazy, so we feel guilty when we do rest.
I’m not sure, except I have this urgent need to accomplish something, which for me mean means…..well? Drawing. Writing. Cleaning. Cooking. Swimming. Cultivating my relationships. Every day. Without fail. Must do something, must make a thing do a thing, even if I’m so miserable I can’t even. I have this vision of myself, often—me, with a blanket, just watching tv, nothing else. Just watching. It never happens.
It’s so important that these dynamics within our severely dysfunctional and consumerism culture be addressed directly and substantively. Good for you, that you had that in a therapeutic setting. I appreciate you sharing your journey to better health.
Your story, in broad outline, sounds very familiar. It sounds similar to my stories, and those of many other people who were raised in various kinds and degrees of dysfunctional families. I regularly attend a few 12 step type meetings that are helping me to a degree that years of therapy was not able to accomplish and self-care is central to recovery from that kind of upbringing. Having a solid, supportive and loving relationship with ourselves is the place to start.
Hi Bethann, thank you so much for sharing such a thoughtful response. I spent some time in one of the eating disorder twelve-step programs before going into outpatient. My biggest takeaway from that experience was the power and necessity of community.
Always feeling like there's something left undone. Still fretting that I have no schedule ten years into retirement. I have no salary. I am mostly always tired. Without form and void.
Yes, the something always left undone. I try to remind myself that most of it isn’t urgent (aside from parenting and working my job) but it can still feel immensely challenging not to feel bad about it, particularly in a world of « self-help books for how to be more efficient and productive.
Poetry is a constant source of comfort. Sometimes I need to write myself, and other times I turn to the words of other writers whose words are the balm I need in that particular moment.
It's definitely not you. It is internalized capitalism, something that I just learned existed recently. It completely explains why we are all feeling these things and how it is destroying our health.
In the self care category, I can also recommend quarterly spa visits with facials, massage and hanging in a hot tub!! 😍👍
I've never been to a spa, but I have had occasional massages and I am immensely grateful to the masseuses who have kneaded away massive knots in my back :)
Such a timely post for me. I have two chronic illnesses mostly caused by intense stress during my abusive marriage (and by catching the Epstein-Barr virus, too): fibromyalgia and ME/CFS. Just yesterday I was lamenting that I do not know how to properly REST. After a few weeks of feeling mostly good, I landed in a flare yesterday, and determined to just do nothing all day. Walking was out (I love to go outside and take long walks) so I decided to just watch tv on the couch. But I felt like I needed to be doing MORE. As I just finished writing my novel's query and synopsis, I decided to start sending them to potential agents. That was most definitely work-related and couldn't be classified as REST. But I feel lazy, guilty, and unproductive if I don't do anything. I know that is deeply embedded in American culture. Same with being sick and still working. I wish I knew what to do.
Chronic illness makes it even more challenging. I have days like that too where I just rest and watch TV. I don’t particularly like it, but I get to a point where I’m so worn down I don’t even have the energy to read. It’s impossible to fully disentangle from the work while sick culture, but I love that you gave yourself permission to rest. And congratulations on finishing your novel’s query and synopsis !
Thanks! That synopsis took me weeks to wrangle. LOL. And yes, reading takes energy, too.
Here’s hoping an agent picks it up quickly ✨
ME TOO. Thank you!
Permission to rest? Impossible. Working on this need to have permission to rest in therapy.
I forget that I have fibromyalgia until I have a flare. It is dibillating, still I cannot be still. I have even worked out how to draw write and read when I have freaking migraines.
I struggle with this too Rebecca. I can « allow myself to rest » for a little while, but if my body then lets me know I need more rest, I’m furious and try to push through 🙃
OMG. SAME. I have chronic daily headaches (from an old high school volleyball injury!). I have to keep working. Only when it gets so bad that I think I need to go to the hospital do I finally give in and go to sleep. Why do we do this to ourselves? Sigh.
I truly don’t believe the blame is fully on us as individuals. Many of us have no option but to push through to parent, pay bills, etc. We also live in a culture where rest is seen as lazy, so we feel guilty when we do rest.
That's certainly true. I have no partner and as my daughter still lives with me, I provide for her, as well. I can't rest.
I’m a single parent too. Sometimes it feels like we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders ❤️🩹
I’m not sure, except I have this urgent need to accomplish something, which for me mean means…..well? Drawing. Writing. Cleaning. Cooking. Swimming. Cultivating my relationships. Every day. Without fail. Must do something, must make a thing do a thing, even if I’m so miserable I can’t even. I have this vision of myself, often—me, with a blanket, just watching tv, nothing else. Just watching. It never happens.
It’s so important that these dynamics within our severely dysfunctional and consumerism culture be addressed directly and substantively. Good for you, that you had that in a therapeutic setting. I appreciate you sharing your journey to better health.
Your story, in broad outline, sounds very familiar. It sounds similar to my stories, and those of many other people who were raised in various kinds and degrees of dysfunctional families. I regularly attend a few 12 step type meetings that are helping me to a degree that years of therapy was not able to accomplish and self-care is central to recovery from that kind of upbringing. Having a solid, supportive and loving relationship with ourselves is the place to start.
Hi Bethann, thank you so much for sharing such a thoughtful response. I spent some time in one of the eating disorder twelve-step programs before going into outpatient. My biggest takeaway from that experience was the power and necessity of community.
Always feeling like there's something left undone. Still fretting that I have no schedule ten years into retirement. I have no salary. I am mostly always tired. Without form and void.
Yes, the something always left undone. I try to remind myself that most of it isn’t urgent (aside from parenting and working my job) but it can still feel immensely challenging not to feel bad about it, particularly in a world of « self-help books for how to be more efficient and productive.
LOVE that you turned to poetry - as a kind of pondering/prayer. It's my go-to therapy when life is simply overwhelming
Poetry is a constant source of comfort. Sometimes I need to write myself, and other times I turn to the words of other writers whose words are the balm I need in that particular moment.
It's definitely not you. It is internalized capitalism, something that I just learned existed recently. It completely explains why we are all feeling these things and how it is destroying our health.
That is exactly what it is. It’s so hard because we’re wired from such a young age with the idea that we need to be constantly productive.