I stay connected to those I love amidst all the chaos by remembering to check in on them and being able to run errands with them, or being able to call them on my walk from class
I love that! I often FaceTime with my friends when we aren’t able to get together because our schedules don’t align. I love the idea of running errands together too.
Really appreciated this. In my luteal phase, I get so tired, I can hardly function. If I've said yes to plans in advance, I often feel guilty for cancelling. Friends that come over when you're in pjs are the real ones <3
I get really fatigued during my luteal phase too. I feel like my body is weighted down with cement. Having people who will come over when I’m barely able to peel myself off the sofa are truly my soul sisters.
Last year, my daughter with three small children told me that once a week they have “breakfast for dinner“. So my husband and I started, too. In mentioning this to friends, it is amazing how many replied in a pleading voice, “I like breakfast for dinner”. And so, we now have periodic dinners of scrambled eggs, precooked sausages and frozen hash browns. Sweet rolls for dessert if someone brings them. Easy, cheap, and we usually have to shoosh them out as no one wants to stop visiting.
Oh I love this! What a fun, relaxing way to get together. I have a four-year-old and I love making pancakes for dinner on occasion. It’s easy and delicious.
I love this Danielle and completely agree. I’ve never been a dinner party girl, more a picnic in the garden, and bring your own rug sort of girl😊 It’s being together and sharing - food and stories - that matters. Not the dust and dog hair (that always seems to be there no matter how much I vacuum…) And your poem- so moving. Thank you for sharing it. 🙏
Thank you so much Clare! I love picnics too. It really is about being with other people in person and feeling that connection that matters most. As for the dog hair, I've learned to tell myself it comes with the territory of having a beloved pet. Now when I see her little clumps of dog hair I think about how they're representative of all her snuggly, fluffy love.
I like your thinking! And she certainly is beloved. I have subscribed too. I don’t actually post anything currently but I must get my act together. A project for 2025 I think 😊
I think that’s the best way to start. Read some other Substacks to get a sense of the platform and start writing when you feel ready. I’ve found it’s a much more enjoyable experience when I don’t put too much pressure on myself :)
It’s funny how different we all are - generationally, regionally, culturally. For me, a dinner party is not about posing or pretending things are effortless, but an opportunity to share my food (love) and care (also love) with my friends. The quality of the food is an important part of that. I hosted them regularly when my kids were little and only stopped during Covid and when I was caregiving my spouse. I’ve given some obligatory dinner parties in my day, but regardless, making people feel comfortable and welcome is central. This summer I visited my late husband’s home country, the Republic of Georgia, where total strangers insist you come to dinner, and they somehow whip up a feast on no notice. And they’re very hurt if you say no - that’s an insult. It’s remarkable.
I so appreciate this perspective. When I have the time and energy, I love hosting and cooking for friends too. The reality is that I’m often worn down between work and parenting solo when my son is with me (single mama). This essay is more about allowing for the messy, potluck evenings. I think for prior generations the idea of inviting people over to a messy home was unthinkable, and in a world where we feel increasingly disconnected, I’m all for people finding ways to gather.
And I love cultures where there are open invitations like that. I’m Belgian and as a kid we often had multi-course meals over hours. They are some of my favorite memories growing up :)
My new(ish) favorite way to spend time with my girlfriends is a light lunch out followed by an afternoon at a European or Turkish style water circuit spa. Great conversation, or silence and just being in each other’s company, whatever we prefer. It’s not expensive (way less than hosting a dinner party) and we can float away our stress. Then return to our families all blissed. Highly recommend!
That sounds lovely and so relaxing! No dishes or clean up after either which is always a plus. Finding friends you can sit in silence with is such a gift. I’ll add this to my list of possible activities to do with friends in the future!
Thanks for sharing this post and poem. For years I strived for the image of a perfect dinner party. For some reason, I thought I was being judged. Then I told myself, "For God's sake, woman, these guests are your friends. They don't care about a perfect dinner party." This has made dinners at our home with them so much more relaxed and fun.
It’s funny how much pressure we can put on ourselves around stuff like this. Most people just want to get out of their homes and have an excuse to spend time with friends. No one’s judging us as much as we imagine they are. I love that you’ve learned to relax and enjoy having your friends over without so much pressure 💛
So simple and doable, really, just as you have described. And I love the breakfast for dinner comment. We like to do that, too. The real connection to others is so needed. It is too easy to find all the reasons not to do it (messy house, etc.) Thank you for writing.
You’re right Paul, there are so many excuses to come up with. I used to make them all the time. Giving ourselves permission to be messy and imperfect is such a gift. Thank you for reading.
New subscriber here! Thank you for this post. I suffer from perfectionism and working on getting over my fear of inviting people over without first cleaning all the bathrooms and kitchen. Your way sounds wonderful!! ❤️
I completely understand. I was like that for a long time. I felt like I couldn’t have people over unless I cleaned my entire house, which meant I rarely had people over. It’s been such a weight lifted to be able to invite friends over who I know don’t care at all about the state of my home :)
Lately, I work on giving myself a timeframe like max one hour cleaning if I know people are coming over-- but I still suffer from apologizing to people if they drop in without calling first. 😂
I love the timeframe idea. I usually do a quick wipe down of stuff before people come over but nothing intense. I’m guilty of apologizing occasionally too but I’m working to stop doing that.
How do you stay connected to those you love amidst the chaos? What suggestions do you have for our community? Join me in the comments!
I stay connected to those I love amidst all the chaos by remembering to check in on them and being able to run errands with them, or being able to call them on my walk from class
I love that! I often FaceTime with my friends when we aren’t able to get together because our schedules don’t align. I love the idea of running errands together too.
Really appreciated this. In my luteal phase, I get so tired, I can hardly function. If I've said yes to plans in advance, I often feel guilty for cancelling. Friends that come over when you're in pjs are the real ones <3
I get really fatigued during my luteal phase too. I feel like my body is weighted down with cement. Having people who will come over when I’m barely able to peel myself off the sofa are truly my soul sisters.
Last year, my daughter with three small children told me that once a week they have “breakfast for dinner“. So my husband and I started, too. In mentioning this to friends, it is amazing how many replied in a pleading voice, “I like breakfast for dinner”. And so, we now have periodic dinners of scrambled eggs, precooked sausages and frozen hash browns. Sweet rolls for dessert if someone brings them. Easy, cheap, and we usually have to shoosh them out as no one wants to stop visiting.
Oh I love this! What a fun, relaxing way to get together. I have a four-year-old and I love making pancakes for dinner on occasion. It’s easy and delicious.
I love this Danielle and completely agree. I’ve never been a dinner party girl, more a picnic in the garden, and bring your own rug sort of girl😊 It’s being together and sharing - food and stories - that matters. Not the dust and dog hair (that always seems to be there no matter how much I vacuum…) And your poem- so moving. Thank you for sharing it. 🙏
Thank you so much Clare! I love picnics too. It really is about being with other people in person and feeling that connection that matters most. As for the dog hair, I've learned to tell myself it comes with the territory of having a beloved pet. Now when I see her little clumps of dog hair I think about how they're representative of all her snuggly, fluffy love.
I like your thinking! And she certainly is beloved. I have subscribed too. I don’t actually post anything currently but I must get my act together. A project for 2025 I think 😊
I think that’s the best way to start. Read some other Substacks to get a sense of the platform and start writing when you feel ready. I’ve found it’s a much more enjoyable experience when I don’t put too much pressure on myself :)
It’s funny how different we all are - generationally, regionally, culturally. For me, a dinner party is not about posing or pretending things are effortless, but an opportunity to share my food (love) and care (also love) with my friends. The quality of the food is an important part of that. I hosted them regularly when my kids were little and only stopped during Covid and when I was caregiving my spouse. I’ve given some obligatory dinner parties in my day, but regardless, making people feel comfortable and welcome is central. This summer I visited my late husband’s home country, the Republic of Georgia, where total strangers insist you come to dinner, and they somehow whip up a feast on no notice. And they’re very hurt if you say no - that’s an insult. It’s remarkable.
I so appreciate this perspective. When I have the time and energy, I love hosting and cooking for friends too. The reality is that I’m often worn down between work and parenting solo when my son is with me (single mama). This essay is more about allowing for the messy, potluck evenings. I think for prior generations the idea of inviting people over to a messy home was unthinkable, and in a world where we feel increasingly disconnected, I’m all for people finding ways to gather.
And I love cultures where there are open invitations like that. I’m Belgian and as a kid we often had multi-course meals over hours. They are some of my favorite memories growing up :)
My new(ish) favorite way to spend time with my girlfriends is a light lunch out followed by an afternoon at a European or Turkish style water circuit spa. Great conversation, or silence and just being in each other’s company, whatever we prefer. It’s not expensive (way less than hosting a dinner party) and we can float away our stress. Then return to our families all blissed. Highly recommend!
That sounds lovely and so relaxing! No dishes or clean up after either which is always a plus. Finding friends you can sit in silence with is such a gift. I’ll add this to my list of possible activities to do with friends in the future!
Dinners with friends are a lifeline. Thx for writing this!
They are absolutely a lifeline that keep us tethered to what’s good in this world 💛
Thanks for sharing this post and poem. For years I strived for the image of a perfect dinner party. For some reason, I thought I was being judged. Then I told myself, "For God's sake, woman, these guests are your friends. They don't care about a perfect dinner party." This has made dinners at our home with them so much more relaxed and fun.
It’s funny how much pressure we can put on ourselves around stuff like this. Most people just want to get out of their homes and have an excuse to spend time with friends. No one’s judging us as much as we imagine they are. I love that you’ve learned to relax and enjoy having your friends over without so much pressure 💛
So simple and doable, really, just as you have described. And I love the breakfast for dinner comment. We like to do that, too. The real connection to others is so needed. It is too easy to find all the reasons not to do it (messy house, etc.) Thank you for writing.
You’re right Paul, there are so many excuses to come up with. I used to make them all the time. Giving ourselves permission to be messy and imperfect is such a gift. Thank you for reading.
New subscriber here! Thank you for this post. I suffer from perfectionism and working on getting over my fear of inviting people over without first cleaning all the bathrooms and kitchen. Your way sounds wonderful!! ❤️
I completely understand. I was like that for a long time. I felt like I couldn’t have people over unless I cleaned my entire house, which meant I rarely had people over. It’s been such a weight lifted to be able to invite friends over who I know don’t care at all about the state of my home :)
Lately, I work on giving myself a timeframe like max one hour cleaning if I know people are coming over-- but I still suffer from apologizing to people if they drop in without calling first. 😂
I love the timeframe idea. I usually do a quick wipe down of stuff before people come over but nothing intense. I’m guilty of apologizing occasionally too but I’m working to stop doing that.
We started doing pot lucks for family dinners and it has made stuff so much easier. Need to try and do it again more regularly with friends
Yes! Potlucks with friends make it much more likely that we actually get together :)